After Post Graduation, I returned home and started my job hunt which was difficult in my hometown and so I tried a new door by applying for a Bachelor’s Degree in Teaching. My time of CLOSED DOORS had started- In spite of topping the merit list, I was apologetically denied admission since my TC hadn’t reached from the University to the college on time. One thing after another, no matter how hard I tried , things would just slip like oil from my fingers. Every time, a new thing would come along and we would think this may be the DOOR , we would get our hopes high, only to have them squashed at the last moment. It was unexplainable torture . At that time I felt as if I was under some curse. But what Satan sought for my downfall, drew me all the more close to God and I began my voracious study of the Scriptures.
Then came the painful wait for marriage. I waited patiently for many years praying for a Godly mate. I watched as one by one all of my friends got married and then even had their children while here I was …..STILL waiting for God’s choice. There were good proposals but I was determined to marry a believer ONLY since 2 Corin 6:14 asks us not to be unequally yoked. Though it was hard and seemed foolish to many , I stood on that promise & God in His time, blessed me with a wonderful life partner. Today, I'm glad I waited on GOD. HE REMAINED FAITHFUL TO HIS WORD.
But at that time, I did not understand , all I saw was dark clouds and no answers. I thought maybe God’s plan was for me to pursue Bible Studies when I got an opportunity through a Christian Ministry. I passed the TOEFL & went through all the necessary procedures & even got the admission in a prestigious Bible School in CA. All that remained was my Visa Interview. I was all smiles believing that this was God's will and He would see me through. But soon the next closed door slammed on my face- I received a blue slip from the Visa Office- they had accepted my Student Visa Application but because of some problem with sponsor's documentation, I was asked to wait. I had prepared myself for a YES and a NO but not this uncertainty that totally broke me. Finally, after another wait, I was denied the Visa. I watched helplessly in pain as I saw one by one all of my hopes & plans crash to the ground. I fell to my knees and cried my heart out to GOD : "Why this unfairness Lord? Why did you bring this chance only to have it taken away from me? Have I not suffered enough? When will I get my break?"But God remained silent. I had ONLY the Promises of His Word to comfort and strengthen me. I watched all of my friends reach heights in their careers while inspite of being equally qualified, all I could do was wait and watch and that is exactly what I did! Now I know that sometimes God closes doors in our lives and though at that time it may be painful, His ways are always the best for us.
Finally in His perfect timing, the Lord brought me & my loving husband together & yes, the wait had been long for both of us but it definitely had been worth it! Then came my first miscarriage which shattered us. I asked my mother, “Why does God make me wait for everything?- for my job, for the chance to study to work in the Ministry, for marriage, and now for a child?” I had no answers but had grown to trust Him inspite of the pain.
Very soon, we had the happy news that the Lord had blessed my womb once again. A lot of people were praying for us and by now we learnt how to totally depend on God. Throughout my pregnancy I experienced horrible heart burn, stomach cramps that would come and go and severe vomiting right till the end. The Dr dismissed my concerns as normal pregnancy related symptoms. However later, after the baby was born and when the stomach pain still persisted, we knew something was wrong. Medical reports proved that during the pregnancy I had developed multiple stones in my gall bladder & that was the reason for the unbearable pain & uncontrollable vomiting. I had to undergo immediate operation. It was hardly a month after the delivery & I had to undergo this series of painful tests to undergo some surgeries. This continuous stream of unfortunate events, one after the other shook both me and my loved ones like never before. I asked my mother when will my bad time end? Many times I really thought I wouldn’t make it & often wished to die during that time. It broke my heart that I couldn’t enjoy time with our newborn as I was admitted in a hospital in the city.
After my gall bladder was removed, I couldn’t walk /eat due to excruciating pain, didn’t have the energy even to cry. I couldn’t sleep / even turn over as any movement was painful. I was tired & fed up in severe pain and both my body and my mind would take time to heal. God as always remained FAITHFUL to me.
Then began my new challenges of a first time mom , which all of us undergo. Only difference was that my lack of rest because of the series of operations just after the delivery left me with severe lower back pain and heels pain . However, the birth of our son brought new joy into our life. It made me a new person. Whatever pain I faced, would disappear with one toothless grin of his. I began to enjoy the antics of our little one. I thought my hardships were over but then came the most severe blow of all…..
- to be continued Click for PART 3 SEASON OF REJECTION
I want to encourage you if you've been waiting for answers for a long time , believe me I know for I too have been there. GOD is faithful . He will never fail you. TRUST HIM.
Enjoy this wonderful Song : Worth the Wait (33 Miles)
Take care, God bless,
Sparky Laurie
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